Victory

 By Dr. Jamila PamojaThomas

In college, I walked out in the middle of an exam because I got a page notifying me my grandmother was about to die. I made an F, proudly.

I was told I could appeal to remove it, but I saw it as a victory because I saw my grandmother live beyond the 24 hours, beyond the 6 months they expected she would live. 

In my final year of college, I was pregnant with my daughter and fired from the newspaper. I was an investigative reporter. The day I told my publisher I was pregnant, he wrote me a letter telling me I was handicapped and couldn't continue my responsibilities. I was devastated for a while because writing has always been my passion, my life dream, and so was conceiving a baby. I was told I'd never have a baby, so l saw becoming pregnant victorious! 

Upon giving birth, my blood pressure increased. It was over 72 hours, and my body would not dilate; my water had broken, but my body would not transition to vaginal delivery.

Placental abruption was in motion, and an emergency cesarean birth occurred. I almost died but told the doctor to choose my daughter's life over mine, for I saw it as victory to give life. This went on another three times, and the risk of giving birth increased with each pregnancy. Each time I'd decided to save the baby over my life. Each pregnancy was opening the incision from my first life-threatening surgery from whence I was a child, understanding I'd never have a child. This scar has always been victorious for me!

In 2018, my mother died while I was in the middle of the beginning stages of my dissertation. I failed in my studies, and hesitating to mourn my mother was a pain I couldn't shake. Nevertheless, I pushed myself the next term, remembering the last thing my mother called me was Dr. I appealed to be back in school and was allowed but on probation. I still had an F on my transcript, but it was an F; I embraced it proudly! 

By 2019, I was still on shaky grounds pushing myself to complete college; at the end of the year, I was trying to complete the dissertation, and as the new year approached, I learned I was going through a divorce while the world was going through a pandemic. This was a huge challenge, yet I persevered completing my degree and leading my class in the auditorium to become announce Dr. Jamila PamojaThomas officially! This will always be a victory moment in my life!

 Seeing myself as I was married is similar to being prematurely born. Yet, it wasn't a marriage, for I'd been in God's incubator! 

Seeing myself as divorced is being released from the incubator and trusted to finally grow and develop as I was initially designed. I am victorious, surviving the tunnels of darkness, living through every scar, and being courageous enough to take on the setup. Walking into my transformation has been painful but isn't every birth painful. The pain was necessary to push, sharpen, and show my true potential. Without such pain, I would not have met this version of myself. My divorce is a blessing because I'm here, I've survived victoriously, and each scar I earned tells my story of victory!