Moving Forward to Meet Me

By Dr. J. Bliss

My biggest mistake was being fair and expecting the law to enforce what is fair. Leaving my ‘ex’ample of what not to do,’ included the false notion that we were being amicable. 

I have not felt married for the past four years ( two months ago, he professed it was a year). 

I have not been supportive of you and your dreams, and every time you elevate, I get in your way. He even recalled an example, following up with the kids will go with you. 

Concluding, There's no need to get attorneys involved. I'll show you the finances, and I'll help you move. 

When I left, it was because two people agreed to go their separate ways. Verbally agreeing. Only to learn fairness was never the grounds for the exit, from my ‘ex’ample of what not to do.’ He told me what was necessary to move me and discard me after attaining all he wanted of me. 

Am I mad? No? Did I cry? No. The reward is great. In boxing, sometimes you must take a few punches to prepare for the final knockout round. 

Why not be mad? I have been blessed existing a relationship consisting of a stuntman disguised as a husband. This was a painful experience, but so is exercising. Getting fit requires pain. This was part of the curriculum to push, motivate, and drive me to meet my higher self. I had to learn while I operate in one mannerism, it does not mean because a person says they love you, they have your best interest in mind. I had to connect the dots that this was my fight for myself. It's higher than any man; this fight I was in had been spiritual. There's no need to be mad when it's spiritual. It's to be understood; knowing is the only way to understand. It requires an internal search. Each thing revealed to me about my past, learning my life was a lie, was meant to erupt and disrupt everything inside me. Mad, no, I am beyond fortunate and blessed to meet me.

Why not cry? Learning your life is a lie places you in a state of shock. There's no room for tears when something is counterfeit. I cried and still have moments I cry from mourning my mother. Had her death not occurred prior, I would not have known the difference between unconditional love and its worthiness to mourn. I would not have known my true strength. My reality of learning I was not married has blessed me to understand what I experienced was a lesson.

There were many hits taken from my ‘ex’ample of what not to do,’ plenty of jabs inflicted upon the puppetry of the children, and the ultimate lesson was learning this is designed to take you out. Why is something created to take you out? When you have such a high calling in your life, everything attempts to take you out to stop you from BECOMING. 

This is why knowledge is critical to understanding. Knowing this allows a new prescription to be filled, granting access to the patterns designed to hinder your journey to BECOMING. 

It's no secret everything I pursued to accentuate my gifts and talents was met with a slap in the face, a rejection just as I was elevating. I kept praying to find my way in life and lead me to my purpose. My soul includes my gift, and I was positioned to fight for it because it was under attack. Writing is my gift, and I learned to not divorce myself to secure my talent. Let's examine to bring forth not my life yet the lessons. 

When I was met with my ‘ex’ample of what not to do,’ saying I haven't felt married for years, and I made him feel less than a man. I returned with 

Let's go to therapy. His response was, No.

Let's get a separation. His response was, No.

I was focused on saving the marriage while mourning my mother. I was on probation for failing due to mourning my mother's death. There was no room to ask my professors if I could take a break now because my marriage was on the rocks. I was in the corner being hit and tested at the same time. Would I choose myself or the situation draining the life out of me?

On that day, I partially chose me agreeing to a separation. Anticipating the marriage would survive. I was not seeing I needed to choose me. 

Two months later, I learned it was 4 years, and the person I was with didn't feel married, which implies not feeling married means you don't think like a married person. You make decisions based on your mentality as a single person. I didn't have time to go back and forth. My dissertation is to be complete; I'm mourning my mother; I have responsibilities as a mother, the world was going through a pandemic, and I still thought we'd go through a separation and all would be well.

Moving out of the house forced me to face the reality of going through a divorce. This is where I met myself. I'd lost myself and my dreams in my marriage. I thought not seeing my children every day was the end for me, and I learned to radically accept their decision and grant them time to have a closer relationship with their father. Moreover, I was not in tryouts, so competing is no requirement. I'm the grand entrance of their path to this world. Why compete with a position I already have? However, I did have to learn to not see them every day. This lesson taught me I'm more than a mother. 

The fight has always been spiritual, and it's about aligning with your purpose to fulfill the dreams destined to be. I was completing a dissertation, elevating on the path of enhancing my authorship endeavors combined with completing my final degree. Each of these accomplishments had to do with my writing. 

My ‘ex’ample of what not to do,’ has taught me many lessons. I believe once a person gets beyond the hurt of someone's actions and see the gift in the No, sees the gift in the concluding courses of those life lessons, just as an individual celebrates the conclusion on completing courses attaining a degree, it's safe to say a shift to the next level is in place. Greeting this knowledge is the knockout. 

 In moving forward, meeting my true self is the greatest reward. Moving forward requires letting go of the past pain, but what many leave out (especially after a divorce) is moving forward from your past identity to meet your higher self. Letting go of the past encompasses letting go of the old identity, for your old self doesn't have to assess to your new level.