I'm Worth It!

By Dr. Jamila PamojaThomas

 I’m worth it! I met a guy in passing at the grocery store, and he was on the phone and asked me moments later why I was not speaking to him. I turned around, unaware of who he was talking to, only attentively seeing his AirPods, and continued.

I focused to gather groceries, and he then gained closer to me. This man had eye contact, and I realized he was attempting to engage me. He asked me to take his number and call him.

I immediately stopped him, notifying him I do not pursue men.

This man was offended and unaware of what is meant by pursuing a woman.

His actions mainly presented his opinion I’m not worth pursuing. Because he wanted me to call him. Even after he flagged me down to alert me, he admired me but not enough to contact me.

In return, I am grateful for time not lost. I’ve benefited from not extending time to one not deserving and accessing one that is deserving.

Another guy attempted to gain my attention, and I enjoyed our conversation so much that when he asked me to continue talking to him, I agreed. He asked me to take his number, and I immediately told him I don’t pursue men, but you can take my number. Before parting, he asked me if I would at least give him several dates with him. I smiled and said call me.

He was excited, and he called the next morning. We chatted a bit. I enjoyed our conversation. Two days later, he called again. I took his phone call, and we had a friendly conversation. The next time I heard from him, it was closer to a week later. He sounded offended and alerted me I had not called him. I reminded him I was forward in stating I do not pursue men. He said so you don’t call men. I informed him if we conclude and I tell you I will call you back, yes, I will; however, if the goal is for you to accomplish gaining my acceptance for one of the several dates you asked of me the day we met, it’s not highly I am calling.

I’m not initiating anything for a man to take me out for dinner or coffee. Dating is significant to me; therefore, I date myself regularly. I’m magnificent at dating myself. So to consider another to take me out is not an easy exchange. I prefer courtship over dating because I am excellent in the dating department.

When a man pursues a woman, it’s a timeframe to consider if she will exchange her time and energy with another. This exchange is sharing something of her that is most valuable. Her being is incalculable, so it is wise not to share your time and energy with anyone without knowing if the other deserves you.

The time spent during the pursuit is how a woman determines if the man is worthy if he has earned such a momentous occasion with you.

For instance, if you have recently exited a lousy relationship and are in the process of leaving a divorce, a person pursuing you will quickly show you their level of respect for you as a human and their relation towards themselves. This can be noticed by several factors:

If the guy attempts to quickly give you a title as you made him aware you’re getting a divorce, he’s displaying a lack of respect for the hardship you are experiencing.

He is also displaying a lack of discipline. He intends to shift you into a vulnerable feminine state so that you perform as if in a relationship.

This fits the category of not respecting you as a human and him being more self-focused on his intentions.

Suppose a guy is attentive and sympathetic towards you going through a divorce while reframing from pursuing an intimate relationship with you during a divorce. In that case, he’s displaying he respects you as a human.

He also showcases a high level of respect for himself and his relationships. The male unwilling to pursue you at this intersection knows how you enter a relationship is significant. Exiting a bad breakup or divorce means healing is required. Jumping from one relationship to the next interferes with proper healing. This man shows he cares about your emotional health.

If you want to see a difference in the guy, ask him to watch a football or basketball game and see how he responds to the injured top player. If he is eager for them to stay in the game rather than on the sidelines and heal, he’s showing you how important a person is to be whole and healthy while performing on the field. In return, this points to his character towards you being a healthy person in what he suggests he desires with you.

If this man makes you aware that he’s interested in you and keeps in contact with you from a distance, he is alerting you; he’s willing to wait for you to resolve your differences from the other situation without causing you interference on his part. He’s showcasing he is disciplined. He is displaying his awareness of your value in having you in his life.

This man intends not to drain your energy but to add to you.

However, be attentive to how the person keeps in contact with you. For example, some men stay in touch with you as an opportunist with the intention of just sex. There are ways to identify that, but it requires a more in-depth analysis.

Moreover, be careful of the red flags, which are vivid during the pursuit. Why is it essential to allow a gentleman to pursue you rather than a woman to pursue the man? If a man wants you, he will pursue you.

Giving a man space to pursue you means you do not chase him. This is his observation process of consideration, similar to looking over a resume. Not all applicants are qualified to make the interview, and not all contenders are eligible to share your time and energy on a date.

A man pursuing a woman confirms he wants her. His pursuit lays out how goal-oriented he is and how disciplined he is to remain focused on achieving his efforts to catch what he considers highly valuable.

A man who desires to be pursued displays that he wants attention, to boost his ego, and to feel needed. If your intention as a woman is to look after a man, he willingly accepts you chasing him. He appreciates you discounting yourself for him to afford your time and energy.

A man pursuing a woman is excited about the chase as it releases feel-good hormones. It’s not unusual for men to be goal oriented. If you are an elusive goal, this is more of a thrill and aspiring to be highly motivated and goal-oriented.

I am aware of what I deserve. I take myself out regularly and love the company of myself. For me to consider a person to take me out requires the gentleman to earn to experience such a moment with me. I’m not an easy pick. I’m worth being pursued, and the man not willing to pursue me graciously moves out of the way for the King who will.

This is the mind frame you must attain prior to considering being with another after a bad relationship and or exiting a divorce. Know how to be the best person, friend, and lover to yourself. It is your responsibility to be in charge of your happiness. Knowing you are worth it requires learning how to be happy and love yourself. Instead of accepting a coffee date or dinner date with a guy simply because he asked, ask yourself if he has earned being in your presence. If not, take yourself out for coffee and buy your own flowers. You are worth it!