Crafting My New Identity

 By: Dr. J. Bliss 

There was a time during the exit of my past relationship I asked myself, "What is my identity?"

Strangely, in college, I researched the identity crisis a person encounters during the young adult stage. I'm far from a young adult, yet during this transition in my life, I faced the intersection of Who Am I and Who I Am? Similar yet two different questions.

Who Am I? I was gathering the thoughts, choices, investments, love, and every step from the past two decades of my life. When the results documented in black and white confirmed it was a lie, my question became Who I Am?

Each day I would look in the mirror to tell myself who I am; searching for my identity became announcing my identity. With my mother's transition in 2018, it was my aspiration to carry her name as a pen name combining it with my maiden name. Yet, the day I stood before the judge; it was no longer a searching factor.

Taking back my maiden name in conjunction with my mother's name is profound for me. Pamoja-Thomas is a rebirth of me; the more potent version, the better self, the I'm in love with myself version… it's me upgrading evermore. This is a power move for me because it says to my old self, I'm no longer her, and she is no longer me.

Growing up, my mother didn't share my maiden name. However, I never questioned it, and I now understand how empowering her choice to change her name was. My mother always made sure I knew the meaning of my name. She'd tell me it's my identity, my destiny. Pronunciation of my name has always been a lesson to never forget. She stressed making sure people said my name correctly as my name is who I am.

Crafting my identity has been a journey of ups and downs, but I'm happy with my choice. Not everyone will change their name after divorce because of perhaps what was invested in the name. Some do not change their name to keep it in alignment with their children. However, my married name adjacency to me only reminds me of the lie I lived. I'm no longer bound by such deceit. My days ahead are already better because I'm the captain of it all!

This is what the New Lease on Life Movement is about, attaining the power rightfully yours and evolving to your better version. My name honors my authentic self, professing my grand re-entry to this world. If you are crossing the tracks of ending a relationship and contemplating changing your name, I suggest asking yourself what this name means to your identity. If it has laid a foundation for you and molded, you: remember to make the best decision for the following chapters moving forward for you. On the other hand, if you have a different narrative or a negative background, make the hard decision to recreate your life, building a new version of your better self.

My name combined with my mother and father, declares -

'Beautiful, Natural Leader, Together'

My first name (given by my mother) means beauty.

My middle name (given by my father) means natural leader, individualistic, attentive to helping and caring for those I love, exceedingly domestic, lover of my home and family, and hardworking to make both comfortable and secure. 

Pamoja, my mother's name, means together. With Thomas being my extension to my original state, my father's name.

Searching my first name in depth includes a variety of words: Beautiful. Elegant. Graceful. Lovely. Comely. Both Beauty In Shape And Beauty In Behavior. Gorgeous Woman. Radiant. Moon-faced.

I am a natural-born leader with a pioneering spirit. I endure hard things to experience new things. Filtering through detaching from my previous name highlighted what was already established; I can do and make decisions by myself. Being a peacemaker gave me strength during my younger years, and this journey has recaptured those powers as I am a spiritual being. 

When looking further into my middle name, it shares many meanings such as praised, born on Thursday, one who praises God a lot, bubbly bold person, a fragrant rose, who is like God.

This is who I am, and restoring my name is the jumpstart I need moving forward because my destiny holds high, and it is who I am that will gain me access to such a realm. It does not negate my role as a mother yet electrifies my identity as a whole.

I AM DR. JAMILA PAMOJA-THOMAS! 

Inquire about registering to learn to be healthy with self, heal, and accept new love if you decide.

Click to gain legal suggestions about changing your name after the divorce